sunny heartbreak

An ode to those who can’t seem to stop wanting the one who screwed them over, and there are way too many of out there:

it’s funny how he misses her heartbreak. he talks about it to his friends as if he’s over it, but he forgets to tell them that at night the bed feels too lonely without it, and that sometimes he just wants to pick up the phone – nah, scratch that, he just wants to go over and play it all out like a movie scene.

he misses her presence and dreams about the moments Time took back, because when he was with her it felt like he was bathing in sunshine, and the rays of her sunny heartbreak would kiss him slowly, and the warm loveliness of it all would pierce his skin and lull him into that state of tranquil lethargy.

there’s something addictive about her heartbreak, the way no other high can compare, and how he seems to relapse every time he thought he’d recovered.

but it’s like his mind is playing tricks on him. because thoughts of her occupy his mind, his space and his time. he lays up with another he feels is more deserving, because she clearly took  it all for granted, yet every thought that runs through his mind is laced with “buts”.

like, the way the other’s lips feel so good on his own lips and his… but hers felt better – no lie. she treats him better, without all the drama and the b.s, but you know, right now, he’s not looking for anything like that, and it’s not because his thoughts are still committed to her

but then he spends the night thinking, and trying to break it down to himself. but the blind only go around in circles when their leading themselves in the dark. so he stumbles upon the same conclusion that he stumbled upon last night, “it was just sex, and that’s what i miss”. but even he can’t convince himself, let alone convince another.

he tries to justify it again with “we were just fxcking”, but he knows “just fxcking” wouldn’t keep him from the power of rebound therapy.  so he circles in the dark again and lands on his bed, defeated by unjustifiable justifications.

he miserably comes to the same conclusion he’s been coming to 6 nights in a row. he misses her, even with all her heartbreak.

– ♥indiesoulchild

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