“it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.” -The Killers
i lie in my bed and a train of expletives choo-choos through my mind because now he thinks i like him when really i don’t. that kiss was casual, and it seemed to fit the moment, but now he’s taken it to heart – pouring his heart out, planning dates, sending the sweetest messages to tell me that he’s been thinking about me. here i am feeling like a bxtch for not having the feelings i apparently should be reciprocating. i try to convince myself to like him, with things like “he’s tall enough” but it just doesn’t cut it. and then i begin to trace it all to the beginning and i remember that “it started out with a kiss” and i think “shxt!” because this isn’t the first time in the world a kiss has landed someone (me) into a huge cauldron of boiling water.
in a process of deductive analysis i come to the conclusion that every relational problem that could ever occur started out with a kiss. from the 8 year mini marriage i found myself ending when i was 12, because the romantic sap thought it meant we were supposed to be together forever. to the time he facebooked me when we were 19 telling me that i broke his heart. and then at some point in my life, i found myself juggling names in my mind, two of whom took it all too seriously, one i wish took it a little more seriously, and the other who merely got a kiss on the cheek and so had no real claim!
and then my friend calls me telling me she drunkenly kissed a guy one of my other friends happens to be in love with. she didn’t do it on purpose and she never knew, but she clearly helped confirm that he really didn’t like the other her to begin with, and now i have two grieving hearts to deal with. and then it confirms my initial hypothesis..
minus the fact that it all went right in the end, Jesus was betrayed with a kiss and it led to his crucifiction. romeo and juliet (although not real people) could have lived past their teenage years, but the horny buggers went and screwed it all up with a kiss. myth has it that Cleopatra was killed by the kiss of a snake. although she intended it as suicide, and technically it really wasn’t a kiss, i find it fitting to support my hypothesis.
and so i come to my pretty melodramatic conclusion that everything that could possibly ever go wrong could be traced back to a kiss. although i know my friends will laugh and ridicule my conclusion, and some of you may too, i assure you that the next mistake you make in your life will be traced back to a kiss, even if the kiss isn’t one you were engaged in. next time something happens, someone was busy kissing! so to save us all the hassle, may we all be a little more discriminating with our lips.