confessions of a commitment phobe

a little light hearted love:

i’m a commitment phobe. there, i said it. i admit it. there are no two ways about it – i am afraid of commitment. i will avoid it at any and every cost. i’d rather have options than be stuck with something i love now but may hate later. that’s why i’ll wonder between two shops more than twice because i don’t want to settle on the one, just in case it’s not as nice as it was the first time.

that’s why i’d rather give you ‘maybe’ answers when you ask me if i’m coming over tonight, because there’s a chance i might not make it, because i’ve made other plans/i can’t be bothered/my bed is my best friend. stop over-thinking things, it’s simply because i’m a commitment phobe, not because i’m indecisive, or because i don’t want to see you.

someone once told me that i was his girlfriend. i was broken up with him within a week. reason? i’m a commitment phobe. and then there are those of you that like to refer to the you and i as ‘us’ and i freak out in my head. and you who told me we were connected! what were you thinking?

and then there’s my best friend who used to speak of her and i in terms of ‘we’ and i would remind her that her and i were not a ‘we’. that her and i were two separate entities that sometimes join forces but were never a ‘we’. of course, eventually i gave in because she persisted with this whole idea of ‘we’, and now ‘we’ are metaphorically (and sometimes physically) joined at the hip. now we are a ‘we’, and ‘we’ even have full blown sleepy conversations with each other in our heads and convince ourselves that we had real conversations. see the dangers of attachment and commitment?

all i’m saying is you should count yourself lucky that i have real daily conversations with you, and that i choose to hang out with you over others. why? because in the time i’m with you, in that moment that i’m conversing with you, i could be having the best full blown sleepy conversations in my head with my bed. i’m just saying, count yourself lucky that i’m committed because i had options but i chose to be a ‘we’ with you.



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