‘everything happens for a reason’ – i’ve said that to myself so many times you’d think i’d be sick of hearing it by now, and sick of believing in it when most times the reason eludes me. strangely i’m not. depressive realists contend that we only say this to make ourselves feel better, but i’d beg to differ although my life provides contrary evidence.
see i’ve been brought up to believe that God does things in His own way and in His own time, and i continue to believe it. and then there are those moments i scream to the heaven because i can’t understand for the life of me what the reason was this time.
‘You see me on my knees, crying tears that will eventually turn to blood, yet You still do things in your own time. what is your reason this time? because my situation is far worse now?’ i’ll go through the very depths of hell and He’ll bring me back from death, and again it appears as if there is no reason, and i live my life waiting for one, sometimes finding it, sometimes still searching. i soon give up with the screaming matches and the questionsa, because at the end of the day His reason wins, despite my crying and my screaming – His reason wins.
i’m just waiting for that day when i’ll understand the reasons, because there have been way too many long winter seasons in this life of mine. i’m still waiting for a reason, and even though i still can’t understand why, i’m still believing.
if the only reason ‘everything happens for a reason’ is so that we keep believing, and get through this life intact, and still strive to go on and become better despite our setbacks, then i guess i’ll keep on believing. God forbid i see another 70 years with my head hung low, the weight of the world on my shoulders, and the hot coals of hell beneath my bare feet.