“why are you so happy?” i used to get that question quite a lot. i say ‘used to’, not because i’m no longer happy, but because the people around me now understand that happiness is my way of life – almost like my culture – it’s ingrained in me, and so there is no answer for my being.
before, when they used to ask me, the first answer that would pop out of my mouth was “because i am”, and they would give me a look full of confusion, as if i had responded to them in some cryptic language. so i started to feel that i needed to have reasons to be happy, and at night before i fell asleep, during that time when your brain just rakes through any and everything, mine would rake through reasons to be happy, but none of them felt like sufficient answers as to why i should be ‘so’ happy. to everyone else the mere state of being happy seemed too foreign, so i couldn’t allow myself to accept it for myself.
i had never questioned it before others started questioning me, and as soon as i started to find reasons for my happiness it started to elude me because i was looking for something i was just supposed to be – something that was right in front of me. and so, sometimes i’d find myself losing my happiness because i’d started to attach it to reasons – reasons that seem to change with the weather.
in an ever transient, restless world like this is, reasons change, and the things that once made you happy sometimes disappear, and attaching a beautiful and precious thing such as happiness to ever-changing reasons reduces it’s value. searching for reasons to be happy sends you on a search for something you already have; something you can already be.
even now, as reasons to be unhappy seem to pile up more than reasons to be happy, i still feel happy. i may be confused, i may be hurt, i may be lost, or my soul may be jaded, but at the end of the day i’ve chosen happiness to be my culture, and for that it’s become my state of being. happiness has no reason. it’s a culture – a way of life.