neither better or worse… just fine

day #5: things you want to say to an ex

.. no i’m kidding, i don’t feel the “i hate you so much right now” vibe, but you must admit the pictures are kind of funny. this is not the typical “ex-bashing” monologue, and neither is it the “i can’t live without you/don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone/what if” type..

sometimes i miss you, but not enough to want to speak to you or want to be with you, but just enough to wish you were here because i wasn’t as afraid of the world then as much i am now. with you, i felt permanently drunk. not in the reckless i just want to throw up, what the f*ck am i doing kind of way. but in the care-free, i just want to dance the night away, kind of way.

i was carefree – maybe too carefree in fact, but it felt good. i wasn’t afraid of everything as much as i am now. not because you were always particularly helpful at melting my blues away, but something about you.. something about you made me feel okay…

i miss the scent of your cologne too. to the extent that i almost leaned into this man on the train because he smelt like you. LOL, i’m a sucker for the smell good. and i miss that you were a wonderful pillow, because these duck feathered pillows don’t seem to do the trick and they get into my hair.

but it’s fine, and i’m fine. my world isn’t better without you, but neither is it worse. it’s just fine, and i’m okay. just a little more scared than i was before, but i’m still fine…

oh and before i go, my mum said hi.



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