prison of my own making..

challenge #20: your fears


when i was younger, you could have asked me what i was afraid of, and i would have told you that i wasn’t afraid of anything, and it would have been the truth. i had no phobias, and i don’t remember ever having a nightmare. there were things that made me jumpy, or things i was cautious about, but i was afraid of nothing. but then as i got older, it seems that my fears increased with my age.

they said i was brilliant, so i became afraid of being average..

they said i was the one who would make something out of my life, so i became afraid of making choices that would turn my life to ruins..

they said i was different, so i feared the day they’d think i was just like the rest of them..

the one thing i fear the most is making mistakes or the wrong choices that will cost me all that i have. like, falling in love with the wrong person, because bad boys are only fun to fall for on TV..

..making the choice to allow myself to open up and be emotionally vulnerable to the point that someone can rob me of my self-worth. or choosing to become  closed off or blasé that i’ll end up alone..

..making the wrong choice that will make me lose the respect and love of those i love..

.. or just making a wrong choice that will dictate the rest of my life..

not to say these are things that are constantly at the forefront of my mind.. these are just the things that at one point never crossed my mind.

fortunately, i found love in He who is love, and there is no fear in love. so i turn to Him and cast all my troubles on Him, i rise from my knees and i wake from the darkness of my thoughts and find that my fears have gone.

if i didn’t have Him, the fears of my mind would have kept me a prisoner in a prison of my own making – a prison in which i am both the prisoner and the guard.






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