Quiet humming, grows into melody, and then into words. Out of melody and words, praise rises, and rises, and rises, until my spirit shakes my body free, and out of my mouth it rises. My knees unable to succumb to the usual will of my pride, I fall. Maybe because my pride is obliterated into non-existence at that moment.
In the sincerest humility, I fall. Humbled, I bow. I bow, not like a beggar, not like a slave, and not like a defeated warrior. I bow out of love to the greatest love I have ever felt, and greater than my imagination can fathom.
Completely still – I am helpless – not out of weakness, but out of the strength of His spirit. Happy to be helpless.
And in those moments, I am completed. I am still. I am peaceful. I am loved..
And although I’ve never felt anything as great in all my existence, I tell no one – not a soul knows but me. In a world in which we’ve disregarded the necessity of God, afraid, I keep my praise of Him between those that already know Him.
Unwanting to be the “nagging Christian” or the “Jesus Freak”, I don’t share Him and the peace He brings me. Made selfish by my fear of my own imperfection, and how imperfect they will find out I truly am.
Selfish, knowing that I will fall short again, and again, and again, and prove myself unworthy of His unconditionality. Doubts of His love coddle me as if to protect me but suffocate me.
And before the doubts can choke me, I’m reminded of His peace, not by scriptures, and not by preachers, and not by a burning bush..
In my solitude, my voice lifts in a melody of praise. And for my praise, He offers me peace, and He offers me a piece of His paradise.