to my past lovers…


So today, I tweeted something that sounded rather arrogant. I said, and I quote:

“@indieSOul: Sorry but I’m an awesome girlfriend. My creative input still thrives up till this day..”

I know it sounds arrogant, but it was born out of pride that, once upon a time, we had worked – that we weren’t always on a road to failure. That I am not as dysfunctional in relationships as I have been led to believe.

I learnt of both your recent successes, and I was proud to see that you were still using the artwork I implemented, and you were building on a foundation that I’d given you the self-belief to lay. I’m not saying that I’m God, or that I was all you ever needed, but I’m incredibly proud to have been highly instrumental in your success, because that is a testament to how much of a mistake we weren’t!

I’ve learnt to be quiet about my real successes in our relationships, because my successes were for your success, and I would never want to take that from either one of you.

Do you remember when you sent me a somewhat frantic message hours before your show? “What should I call it?”, you said. Where you could not think, my mind went into overdrive for you and racked through all the Phonte lyrics and Foreign Exchange’s song titles that I’d been obsessing over for months, and I came up with a name within minutes.

You said I was your muse, and it wasn’t just something you said to make me feel special. Do you remember the beautiful things you created when you escaped the world to be with me? Do you remember the music you made…?

In Greek mythology, the muses were goddesses of inspiration.. Do you understand what that really means? Where you needed fire, I was the spark that lit it.. No one would ever known that except you and I, but that song you put your inspired heart into, it still lives on, long after us.

Do you remember when you would openly speak with me about your music? You were humble and you allowed me to rebuke some of the things you did and teach you where I could. That was and is the beautiful thing about you – your ability to humbly learn greatness and make it our own. You completely turned your back on your old methods, and now look at you – you and the advice I gave you; You and the advice you chose to take and perfect – It lives on, night after night, track after track, digital, In ear drums and at shows.

I’m not saying I’m the most important person in either one of your successes – I was instrumental and I refuse to take away from myself the part that I had to play in your success. And it’s not out of arrogance, its out of pride that I did my job. That as your other half, when you could not create, I created. When you did not see, I saw. When you could not hear, I was your ears. Where you did not have the vision, I was gave you a vision to work with. And when you did not know, I could be there to provide you with the knowledge you lacked.

I’m proud that even though our relationships failed, with both of you, I played my part as your other half to the T, and that will stand the test of time in both your successes. I don’t mean to make you jealous, but now imagine, my darlings, the success of my future husband? đŸ˜‰



2 thoughts on “to my past lovers…

  1. Lemme be real, I hate the idea that my successes are not mine and mine alone. Which makes zero sense with my deep socialist leanings, but that is how it is. This has really made me think in a way I certainly otherwise wouldn’t. About my past, current and future romantic endeavours. Is the only way to keep control of my destiny to hold back from those I love? If I don’t want an ex feeling any way responsible for the upcoming Chamanian revolution should I keep my dreams and aspirations from her a secret? If I want to create great art without anyone but me taking the pride should I keep a part of my soul to myself. What does it say about me that I actually think this way? You, madam, owe me a beer for making contemplate this stuff.
    Well written

    • It’s not that your successes are someone else’s, or that it takes away from your ability to implement them. You may be inspired and never take action. The inspiration still exists but your success will not – only the person who puts the inspiration to work can claim it when it becomes successful. Everyone else is merely an instrument. Everyone else merely assists the goal scorer, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that the scorer scored the goal. History will always recite the name of the goal scorer.

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